Disappear Again

I am the worst at this
Stupid idea of free
I have no dignity
I wish I was dead

I can't understand
Why I'm so stupid
I can comprehend
I'm just retarded

The world passes me
Like a bullet train
I can't let me be
I want to disappear again

Sudden Death

Am I that invisible?
Or am I just a sham?
I think I'm invincible.
But I'd rather be calm

I'm the biggest loser
I'm just a poor excuse
Everyone knows I'm a user
And mentally obtuse

I hate every part of this being
And I think I'll never know
What does it feel while seeing
Sudden death come unturn.

Something That is Nothing

I'm so alive that I'm dead.
The anger that kills inside.
The nothing that fills the grave.
The nothing that comes alive

My home is the cemetery.
Where the love and pain dies.
I hate that I am the only thing.
The thing that's left to die.

And I am nothing.
I really am.
I am something
I will deny.

I lived, therefore I died.

The mud is Home

I feel the filth sinking,
Crazy hot in deep.
I am useless and relentless,
but somehow I am free.

My eyes are shut,
but I still see.
I see through bullshit.
I see through love.

How can this body be so hollow.
How can this soul be so free.
As I turn around and never follow.
As I close my eyes so I can see.

I'm so drowned in my sorrow.
All I can count are my miseries.
This child is not old enough for this horror.
This adult is dying within.

I am Too Drunk

I am too drunk.

I hope my spelling is right.

I have a soul that needs to say

anything, but just something to say.

I can't contain my head,

I can't contain my mind.

Who am I?

All that I can talk to is I.

Alone within these walls.

Alone within myself.

It's like I can't be.

It's like there is no me.

Though I am drunk I still feel.

I feel that I am drunk.

I also can't help to feel,

to feel that I am alone.

I am too much of me to hide.

The blanket fell too short.

There is no hole in the ground.

Reality is not my fault.

I feel the urge to burn.

I feel the urge to cry.

The urge to say

that I am at least alive.